Only if
by Sueona
Summary: Only if things were different, L and Raito could have a perfect relationship. What will be their choices when they only want to be together?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: Angst, OOC.

Pairings: L/Raito

Summary: Only if things were different, L and Raito could have a perfect relationship. What will be their choices when they only want to be together?

Notes: Well a new fic from me. This has only three parts. The other two parts are different endings. So here is the first part. I will post the other two parts (alter endings) in a day or two. Hope you enjoy it. Please tell me what you and what kind of ending you would want to see.

There was something between the two geniuses. Matsuda could see it but never said a word out loud. After all, he over heard the chief and Aizawa make remarks on same sex relationships. It would do no one good to have a huge scandal brought up in the middle of hunting down the real Kira. Part of him wanted to speak up against L and Raito for doing things that would be very unethical in their situation. But the other part was happy for them. He might be known for being an idiot but there are many things he can tell. First is the fact Raito is lonely even if the teenager doesn't show it to anyone. Second would be L needed someone on his own level which he found within Raito. True, it wasn't ethic for either of them being together; L being the lead detective in the Kira Case and Raito being the main suspect. But he kept his mouth shut, always giving a tiny smile to the two men he respected.

There was settle hints between the two brilliant minds. Mogi caught a few of them when he would hand over reports or other information needed for the case. He would be settled of giving them a look that told the two they were caught and it wouldn't take long for the others to follow along. This always got the two young men to keep their minds on work. Who was he to tell them they weren't allowed to be together? To his point, he saw they were perfect for each other. After all, they were equally matched in intelligence and they both had many other things in common. So, he decided to cover for them when the others asked questions out loud of their strange behavior.

Aizawa wanted to knock L down from his pedestal but never had anything to do so. Then again, he admitted they needed the odd ball of a detective. Even if Raito would lead them, he wasn't too sure if that would be a huge mistake. All the talk about Raito being Kira caught up to him. True, he believed the chief's son's innocence but L has repeated told them that Kira is equal match to him. The only person he has ever seen equal to L is Raito. Yes, he had his doubts and resigned himself of following the unethical detective's orders. Once in a while, he would notice some kind of spark between Raito and L but wrote it off as them being rivals even if Raito isn't Kira.

Yagami found himself respecting L even if the man repeatedly accused his son of being a mass murderer. Who couldn't respect someone so young that solved many cases alone? He saw his son fight for his innocence every single time L tested him. But he also caught glimpses of hurt within Raito's eyes. He wondered why but never asked. Since he found Raito desiring a friend on his level and L seemed to fit the picture. So, he wrote it off that Raito was hurt by his friend accusing him of something he didn't do.

Raito would sit there, trying his hardest to focus on work, on proving his innocence to the man sitting beside him. It isn't easy to show the detective this. If the man had an idea, he was stubborn to admit he was wrong. Then again, he was the same way. So, he really couldn't blame L for being the same way. But it still hurt inside. Well, consider that L is his first real friend, not one of those fake ones that he has around all the time. Second for the fact L and he have a deep relationship. Every accusation set his way would bring pain to his heart. Still his pride refused to show that hurt to anyone else.

L would sit there, looking up information on Kira. What no one ever saw was he was trying in all his power to prove his first friend's innocence too. He didn't want his friend, his lover to be a mass murderer, his enemy. That hurt him more than anything alive. What would he do if he gained the proof to end Kira's reign if it really did turn out to be Raito? He would glance over at his young lover and realize this case might just be his last. The worst part about it is he doesn't care if it is. For the first time, he found someone like him in every single way. Truly he could die happy with that fact.

With a careful look, Watari saw everything. He was the one who did the monitoring all the time. At first he was surprised to find L encaging with the young Yagami. But after a few glances he caught coming from L, he smiled knowingly. There was no way he would bring an end to the most dangerous relationship. Yes, he worries for the one he raised but he knows when to take a step back, letting L handle his own business. But he notices the pain within both of the young men. It is hard to miss. He knows they both want to be together but this case just might end their happiness all together.

It takes only one little mistake and one day to crash every illusion built around everyone. One slip of the tongue and their world would crumble. Yes, it could have been beautiful. Yes, it would have worked if the circumstances were different. Maybe in a different life they would have been the greatest couple alive. But that can only happen in fairy tales and this is not a fairy tale. One phrase would end everything. And it happened.

"I think Ryuuzaki is right on his accusations." Raito tells the task force without expressing any emotions. "That I was the Original Kira, the mastermind behind everything."

Yes one little sentence could demise all the wonderful things that happened between the two geniuses. Only if Kira was never a factor then it would have been great. But if not for Kira, they might have never met. How could their relationship truly work? It was doomed from the start, but that doesn't mean either of them didn't feel pain.

Yagami smacks his son in the face which causes his men to stare shocked. How dare his child say this to everyone? It isn't true and it is full of lies. "Ryuuzaki has put these ridiculous ideas into your head. It isn't true." He hisses out.

The room is silent waiting for one of the two brilliant minds to say something in defense. Neither of them says a word or even glance at the other. Aizawa stares at Raito with anger in his eyes. Matsuda gives a pity look at their leader. While Mogi and Watari stand in the background, they both give a sigh of sorrow. It is true one of the two were going to crack under their secret relationship.

All the anger is directed at him but Raito doesn't even blink for fear he will lose his control over the emotions lurking underneath the surface. He looked for a reason. He looked for a way to prove his innocence. But all he came up with was the greatest detective being correct. The memory lapse even if he could explain them, it was just too perfect. Finally he speaks up in some kind of defense to his lover, "Ryuuzaki isn't the one who put these wild ideas into my head. I had to know. So, I looked over all the information and saw everything matched to how I would act."

No one moves. No one argues. It was over; the game that was played between the two greatest minds. But everyone in the room looked ready to kill him or scream at him. It left a void within the entire task force and no one knew what to do. The confession was straight out and volunteer.

"Arrest Yagami Raito on charges of being the mass-murderer Kira." L orders in a broken voice. For the first time, he can't control the pain in his voice. Nor could he control the tears gathering up in his eyes.

Not waiting for his father to argue, Raito turns to face the one man who meant everything to him. He gives a soft smile that meant to bring comfort. It only brings more sorrow, but he couldn't stop it.

Their world ended. And the final blow would be in front of everyone. Raito leaned forward, brushing his lips against the older man's. It was a silent confession for only them to know. But by one look the others in the room caught on or suspected it long ago. Tears were shed between the two lovers that were never meant to be. Only if it was a fairy tale they would be together.

That night, Matsuda stayed at the headquarters. He wasn't convinced that L would be alright alone. So, he decided to watch over the well known detective. It was horrible to hear the broken sobs that the other tried to hide from him. Earlier Raito did not fight or even struggle when he was taken away to a cell. One look told them all that he was being a man and was taking responsible for his crimes. Even if the chief or Aizawa refused to look at Raito unless in anger, he looked at the young man with respect.

Aizawa went home and hugged his wife and daughter. Glad that he isn't in the situation his boss is in. It stuck anger within his soul to hear those words coming from Raito. How could he do this to his own father? Only the thought of his own family stopped him from lashing out. Then the way Raito and L acted sicken him to no end. He had to leave before he did something horrible.

Yagami left without saying one word. He had to think. He had to decide what to do next. Part of him wanted to kill his son and take his life. But the thought of leaving his wife and daughter alone changed his mind. Now, he must figure rather being a father comes first or being a police officer. Doubts like never before enter his mind and the guilt of letting this happen drives him mad. When he came home, he let his silence tell the rest of his family that today was a bad one. Only if they knew the entire truth, he doubts they would be able to handle it.

Watari sighed for the tenth time and tried to figure if he should go to L or to the teenager. After a few hours, he headed down to the cell areas to find a sight no one would believe; Raito curled up sobbing loudly. It brought his loving nature out and he cough to inform the young man he was there. When Raito lifts his head, he sees red puffy eyes staring at him.

Gaining a soft gentle smile, Raito laughs out bitterly, "I confessed even though I don't remember any of it. I confessed." Why did he do it again? Was it to end the case? That's impossible since there is another Kira on the loose. Now, he knows why. He continues to reveal, "I was afraid. So I confessed. I thought back on everything and I realized that if I lost the power of being Kira, then it was by my own will. That would mean I would have a solid proof plan of gaining the power back. I couldn't let that happen."

A world of happiness doesn't exist. How could it when two lovers are millions apart? Their hearts and their minds might be linked together but their rivalry breaks them apart. Kira and L. Not Raito Yagami and L Lawliet. If they could have lived in a different place and a different time, maybe they would have just been themselves instead of detective and murderer.

"Then there is hope for you." Watari states in a gentle voice. "Any other person would have kept that information to themselves and let their plan continue. But you chose to stop yourself."

Raito responds, "Stopping myself meant letting everyone hate me. Even L."

A voice filled with emotions speaks up, "I don't hate Raito."

Peace eased within both of their souls when their eyes met. It showed the other there was no hatred but only love. Their deadly game was what brought them together but it also torn them apart.

Watari left them alone to talk out their problem but only silence lingers. It was peaceful but with tension. As the cell door opens, L steps through and lies next to the one who gave him the greatest gift alive; love.

Curling close to the older man, Raito whispers, "Remember this L. I love you more than anything. I hope you believe me."

"I trust Raito." L replies.

Those words meant the world to Raito and he couldn't stop the truest smile to appear on his face. Even though death is waiting for him, he lets go of everything; his emotions. Sobs escape his mouth and he buries his face into L's chest. "I… I… am… am sorry." Raito cries out.

Arms wrap around Raito's form and a monotone voice whispers back, "I know Raito is sorry. And so am I."

Only if L wasn't a detective. Only if Raito wasn't a murderer. It would have been perfect if there were no only ifs.

Notes: Here is the first part. I wrote it a little differently than I usually do, but hope it is good. Please tell me what you think.


	2. Alter Ending One

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: Angst, OOC, possible death/deaths.

Pairings: L/Raito

Summary: Only if things were different, L and Raito could have a perfect relationship. What will be their choices when they only want to be together?

Notes: Here is one of the alter endings. Please tell me what you think.

The entire task force was back in action, hunting down the final Kira; they would ever have to deal with. However, there was dead silence. No cheerful voices. No arguments. No insults. Nothing at all but silence. And that drove some of the team members crazy.

Yagami speaks up while standing, "I resign from this case as of right now. I will be assisting in any way I can keep Raito alive and out of prison." Being a father comes first. He should know that but he always got carried away with his work to see it.

Matsuda cheers silently for this turn of events. It brings some kind of happiness within his soul to see the man he admired would risk everything for his family. After all, it is the right thing to do.

Turning his chair around, expecting to hear a jiggle of the cuffs to ring out, L glances over at the empty sit with sadness. Quickly, he hides the shadows of his sorrow behind a well played mask and retorts, "I think that would be best, Yagami-san. I cannot or will not ask you to throw away your family values away for a case."

"L." Yagami calls out, and then asks. "Do you care for Raito more than a friend?"

As his head tilts to the side and a thumb is placed on his lower lip in thought, L answers, "The kiss was in front of everyone. What does Yagami-san think?" He doesn't wait for someone to demand him to answer. He stands up and leaves the room. Those three words have never been spoken to Raito and he will not say them to the task force.

Only if there was a way to end this without having one of them dying. Only if he could forfeit being the detective L and just be L Lawliet. Only if Raito could forfeit being Kira and just be Raito Yagami. But didn't Raito do that? Didn't Raito show he forfeits being Kira?

Once again, L stands in front of the cell. What does he say? When the teenager looks over at him, he mumbles, "Raito's father is leaving the investigating to assist in his release."

"That is a huge surprise." Raito remarks. "Dad always held his job higher than anything." Yes, his voice is bitter. Yes, he despised the fact his father always put his work in front of everything.

Leaning against the cell bars, staring at his lover, L inquires, "Did Raito hate being totally perfect all the time? Did Raito hate being in control of every second of the day?"

Raito closes his eyes to hide away from those piercing black orbs that seem to read into his soul every single time. As seconds tick by, he answers with one simple word, "Yes." He hated it. He had to be perfect for everyone while all he wanted to do was run away from the life he had. He had to be in control because who else would be.

As he unlocks the cell and walks inside, L gathers the teenager into his arms. Now many things are cleared up. This is his lover. This is his friend. But this is also his enemy. When hands push him away, he hides the hurt and asks, "Does Raito wish for me to leave?"

Before the detective can walk away, Raito grabs a hold of L's shirt and mumbles, "Don't leave."

Only if they could truly be equal. Only if they didn't have the world against them. But did they ever care what the world thought of them? Raito does and always will. It is what made him into Kira. While L could care less. L had nothing to prove to them ever; no friends or any family. They are so different but also the same; hiding away their emotions behind a mask full of deceits.

L whispers sweet nothings into Raito's ear while they lie in each other's arm. Pain rushes through his body like never before but he ignores it. Once again, he must be the strong one. And he has no problem being that. Unlike his lover, he can't stand losing his control even for a second. As lips search for each other, he mumbles, "Raito won. Kira lost."

Raito lays his head against L's chest to hear the most beautiful thing alive; L's heart beat. "L won against Kira. But L gained Raito."

This is how Watari found them; looking so peaceful within each other's arm. This is when he makes his final decision. As he taps at the bars, he watches L snap his head up quickly and look at him. The detective was never one to truly sleep. With a kind smile, he whispers, "Fake."

One word and that was all it took to gain a true smile on L's face; a face full of deceits. The times will stop forever. The only ifs disappear from their world. They will join each other's fate. One dies, so does the other. It's just that way. They were soul mates; after all. Their world could turn into a fairy tale if they took a step forward. Only ifs could not stop their fate being the same.

The next day, hell broke lose within the headquarters. Yagami and Mogi found a sight to behold; the lead detective of the Kira Investigating and Kira laying within each other's arm, deceased. Yagami broke down completely. For all the years, he always said there was time to spend with his family. And now it is too late. L and Raito were taken away and declared dead. The third Kira was caught not too long afterwards to only have him die on them by a mystery way that no one could explain. Any related information on the second Kira was never enough to hold against the young model Amane Misa; she finally gave up on her love to Raito and moved on.

Five years later, a young adult male stares at the bright blue ocean, wondering about life. When he turns, he asks in a soft voice, "Do you regret it?"

As his fingers pause in typing, a pale man tilts his head and answers, "Not at all. L is just a title. It never was L Lawliet." After staring at the once teenager who now is a young adult at the age of twenty-three, he questions, "Do you?"

Walking over to the once detective, laying his head on the older man's lap, he speaks up, "Never will I regret it. Yagami Raito died long before he met L."

So, two perfect lovers stay together within the confines of their fake lives. Neither of them looking back on the only ifs or what ifs. They found their soul mate within each other and refused to lose it forever. L and Kira lost; neither winning against each other. But L Lawliet and Raito Yagami; won the greatest thing alive, each other.

Raito whispers, "I love you, L Lawliet."

"And I love Light Lawliet." The monotone voice of the older man speaks up.

And together they will spend the rest of their lives. No one will ever know. No one will ever find them. They will remain a mystery to the world while they take up cases as Lawliet. The only ifs vanished five years ago along with the deaths of L and Kira.

Notes: Here is the first alter ending. Please tell me what you think.


	3. Alter Ending Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: Angst, OOC, possible death/deaths.

Pairings: L/Raito

Summary: Only if things were different, L and Raito could have a perfect relationship. What will be their choices when they only want to be together?

Notes: Here is the second alter ending. Hope you enjoy. Please tell me what you think.

The entire task force was back in action, hunting down the final Kira; they would ever have to deal with. However, there was dead silence. No cheerful voices. No arguments. No insults. Nothing at all but silence. And that drove some of the team members crazy.

L stares at the empty seat beside him, missing the one person who fulfilled his life with some kind of meaning. It didn't take long for him to pin point the whereabouts of the third Kira. Raito did a lot to give them the information needed for it. This tears down his walls he built around himself. As he glances around the room, he sighs out, "I have informed the government."

Without lifting his head to look at the lead detective, Yagami mumbles out his question, "What do they want to do?"

"They wish to give the death plenty." L answers with that emotionless voice.

No one could say a word about the decision. They all agreed that would be the punishment for Kira when found. It hurts to find out one of their own is Kira. Only if time could be altered. It can't no matter how much people wish for it to be. And two young men will suffer the most.

"Then I resign of being chief of police." Yagami retorts. "I no longer have the right to be an officer of the law when it is my own son who has done these evil acts."

L doesn't say a word but stands up. Anger, pain, betrayal raise inside of him. Too many emotions all at once for him to handle. Leaving the members alone, he heads back to his own peace; to Raito. When he stares inside, he wants Raito to take back those words. Honey eyes look over at him and the teenager gives him a tired smile. He can tell it is fake. Opening the cell door, stepping inside, he inquires, "Who would have won if Raito did not confess?"

Their world is crumbling. Their rivalry is strong that breaks them apart. Only if one of them would falter. But that happened and they are broken. Their hearts can never mend after this. One of them will die and the other will live with the guilt of taking their loved one's life.

Raito answers, "If I am piecing my plan together correctly, then I would have won."

Pushing Raito down hard onto the small cot, L leans over the one who he loves but also hates. Those eyes stare up at him blankly, letting him have anything he wants; pleasure or pain. His choice. His control. As he caresses the soft features on Raito's face, he mutters, "This was doomed from the start."

"Doomed to failure." Raito finishes the thought L withheld.

Yes, one of them will die soon. It is in each other's eyes that show the other it will be final. But their heart cries out in pain even if their minds are fighting down the emotions. Memories are just part of a past and they both hate their past. It was another thing they had in common.

Raito asks, "Did my father resign?" There really isn't a reason for that question to be asked since he already knows the answer. His father would chose work over him; he always did.

Seeing the trance of hurt, L leans down and kisses those sweet lips. He will not answer since he is aware his young lover already knows the answer. When their farewell kiss is broken, he sighs out, "This is L's final case."

Life is cruel. How can two people so much in love be separated so easily? It is not fair, but it is happening before their eyes. Their love might be strong but not strong enough to over come the world. Only if they could end their deadly rivalry. Only if the world was perfect. Only if they met differently.

"Watch it." Raito whispers. "Take it with you."

Standing up to stare into his enemy's eyes, L nods his head in full understanding. They never had to explain things to each other. They knew the answer. When he turns his back, he sees agents. It is over. The court will decided Raito's fate now. He watches his lover not even struggle. There is no fear in honey eyes at all. After they leave, the detective collapses onto the floor with tears falling and sobbing, "Raito."

A beautiful lie was destroyed. Lies don't last long even though they both knew how to do it so well. The best in that field. They hid the truth behind masks full of deceits. Is it possible their love was another fib created to hide? Maybe or maybe not. It would never be easy to tell. Neither ever said those three little words that would mean everything to someone else. It was just never them. Only if they could have said those words to each. Only if this wasn't the end.

Three days later, the third Kira is caught but dies suddenly. Everyone wanted to know answers but no one had any to give. How could they explain if they weren't sure themselves? Now L sits in a hard chair, legs pulled up close to his chest and eyes wide to not miss even one little detail. The rest of the task force is in the same white room and he sends a heated glare at the calm Yagami. It upsets him that a father would not even show an expression of pain for his son.

A man asks, "Any last words?"

Never dropping his mask of deceit, Raito mumbles, "I'm sorry, Ryuu."

Eyes meet between a two-way mirror. Raito who can't see the other but can feel his lover there. L who stares into unmasked eyes to find the answers he always sought. They were in love. That was real for both of them and it wasn't another fib to add to their many.

L whispers even though Raito will never hear him, "I believe you."

That was the closest they will ever say 'I love you' to each other. Death is something they both feared but also welcomed. Now, Raito has his final wish; his demise. L is alone once again. Only if they could have been together sooner, long before Kira appeared. Maybe, just maybe they would still be together.

The death of his first friend, his first lover is pronounced at 12:10 am. It is all he could do without letting his sorrow flow through his face. Standing up, L walks out of the room to only have a hand land on his shoulder. When he sees it being Yagami, he growls out dangerously, "Do not touch me."

Like burned from the touch, Yagami pulls back with shock on his face. He asks, "Was it true?"

"I have killed my first friend and my first lover." L states evenly. "Now I will have to live with that."

The special task force on the Kira Case couldn't say a word. They just let the greatest detective in the world walk away. Somewhere inside of all of them they felt pity for their leader.

Hours later, L stares out the large window of the hotel to watch the sun raise. How many times did Raito and he watch it together? When he notices Watari standing there, he whispers, "Back home it would seem."

Watari responds, "That would be a good idea. I am sorry L."

Dismissing his care taker, L sits down on the couch and stares down at two black books.

A dark chuckle rings out, "Hyuk. Hyuk. Can't believe this is how it ends. Humans are truly interesting. Don't you agree, Rem?"

Tilting his head back, L answers for Rem, "Interesting indeed. To have a perfect normal person to become a killer is something interesting. To have his own lover be the death of him."

10… 9… 8…

"What going to happen next?" Ryuk asks while floating around. "Will you carry on Raito's plan?"

7… 6… 5…

Rem sneers out, "Forfeit my death note. I do not wish to stay here with a filthy human like you, L Lawliet."

4… 3… 2…

Dropping a lighter onto the death notes to watch them burn, L chocks out, "My Raito. It would seem we have the same fate."

1…

While the death note burns to ashes, L crumbles to the floor in pain. Only if it could have been different. Only if Raito and him were never enemies. Only ifs… Now the end is here for two brilliant minds who only needed each other. Their fate is the same; death. And they will be together, since when a human uses the death note neither can go to heaven or hell, only nothingness.

The next day, Watari finds L deceased. What he finds in L's pale hand is something surprisingly. It is a piece of the death note with only two names.

'_Raito Yagami dies a min before the lethal injection.' _

'_L Lawliet dies at seven in the morning the day after Raito Yagami dies, watching the sun rise.' _

Only if everything was different. Only if right?

Notes: Here is the second alter ending. Please tell me what you think.


End file.
